KLANK's KORNER
Welcome to Klank's Korner, a column that deserves to be a regular feature but will probably only appear in this issue. That is unless if we acquire more information about Klank. So if you have any stories about Klank, poetry you've written about Klank, pictures of Klank, thoughts on how Klank makes you feel, etc., then let us know and maybe we can have future editions of Klank's Korner.
Klank Stats
Name: Klank
Age: 27
Hair Colour: Purple
Eye Colour: Black
Favorite Colour: Black
Favorite Food: Black (Changed answer to chocolate milk when I informed him that black was not a food.)
Favorite TV Show: Seinfeld
Things You Look For In a Girl: A Pulse, Same Age, Down To Earth
Favorite Pizza Topping: Meatball
Favorite Member of Kiss: I Hate Kiss
Have You Ever Been Hit By a Bus?: No
Jeff's Korner
In this section I decided to see how Klank-like Jeff from Port Angeles, Washington rock gods Ninety Pound Wuss was. I think that the affection he shares with Klank for the colour black could lead to several theories that the two are in fact the same person. Perhaps this has something to do with Brandon Ebel, owner of Tooth & Nail Records which is the home of both bands, wanting to save money and therefore just hiring one artist to record all of the albums released on the label. Of course this artist, besides being a talented musician, is also a master of disguise and therefore able to easily take on the appearance of a multitude of fictional characters, each one somehow linked to the style of music that is on the album in question. Keep in mind of course that this is just a theory, a very probable theory when one examines the facts, but none the less just a theory. Has any one ever seen Jeff and Klank in the same place at the same time?
Name: Jeff Ninety Pound Wuss
Age: 23
Hair Colour: Black
Eye Colour: Brown
Favorite Colour: Black
Favorite Food: Humus On a Bagel
Favorite TV Show: Simpsons
Things You Look For In A Girl: Black on the outside, black on the inside and black on the hair
Favorite Pizza Topping: Green peppers & cheese (this is in fact two toppings, Jeff was also confused by the food question. Coincidence, I think not)
Favorite Member of Kiss: Gene Simmons because of the tongue
Have You Ever Been Hit By a Bus?: Oh yeah, all the time
Reflections on Klank
In our attempts to further enhance our understanding of Klank we posed a question about Klank to attendees of the 1997 Tom Festival. Those kind people who did not look at us funny and then run away provided some very interesting viewpoints into the man known as Klank.
What would you consider more cuddly, a bunny rabbit or Klank? And why?
"My most recent experience with a bunny involved it pooping on my shoe and I don't think Klank has ever done that to me, so I'd consider Klank more cuddly."
Aaron "Woody" Woods
Age: 24
Weirdest Thing You Ate Today: A lemon candy thing from the store that had a piece of plastic in it that shouldn't have been there.
"A bunny rabbit because when I was a little kid I had a bunny rabbit and I had a stuffed bunny rabbit too."
Jason Bond
Age: 24
Weirdest Thing You Ate Today: Pasta Salad
"A bunny rabbit because it is warm, soft and fluffy and you can pet it. Although Klank is warm, soft and fluffy and although it might be pleasant stroking his hair or something I'd feel a little uncomfortable."
Jon Brotherton
Age: 32
Weirdest Thing You Ate Today: I don't think I've eaten anything today.
